A friend of mine, once walked into a tire store, and said he needed a set of new tires for his Lincoln Continental. And then told the salesman exactly what he would pay, which was well below the advertised price. To his surprise, the salesman said no, and refused to negotiate. Stunned, my friend, left the store without the tires. He thought, no tire salesman would ever turn his back on a surefire sale. And yet, that is exactly what happened.
Obviously, my friend had not read "You Can Negotiate Anything". Had he done so, he would have known that he would have to spend time talking with the salesman, getting to know him, before announcing what he was willing to pay. By walking in off the street cold turkey, and asking for a sweetheart deal, rarely works. My friend likely would have gotten what he wanted, at the price he was willing to pay, had he taken the time to get to know the salesman, and for the salesman to get to know him, to see him as a fellow human in need of help. This takes time, of course, and that's the point. Investing your time, and that of the salesman's, leads to agreement and getting what you want. The idea is to achieve something beneficial to both parties, rather than to yours alone.
That, in a nutshell, is the secret of negotiations: you must personalize the relationships first; by acting in a sincere and friendly way. Do that, and the world will see your humanity, and be more inclined to help you.
Cohen's short book (255 pages) is full of real life examples, as well as a number of steps that lead to closure that is satisfying to both parties.
One of Cohen's most compelling examples is that of a teenage girl whose diary brought home to the world the horror of World War II.
Writes Cohen: "When the Second World War was over, we learned the statistical magnitude of the atrocities committed against humankind. We could not fathom the absolutes evil perpetrated by the Nazis and their countless millions of silent and passive accomplices. For the average person, the numbers were incomprehensible.
"More than anything else, it was the writings of a teenage Jewish girl that helped people understand some of the horror that had taken place. While hiding from the Nazis, she wrote a vivid and tender account of her experience. Her words expressed her innocence, optimism, and humanity that produced an emotional impact. This was, of course 'Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl', published in 1947 and later made into a play and a film that affected the world.
"Accordingly, to maximize your impact as a negotiator--no matter whom you are dealing with--you must personalize both yourself and the situation."
I originally read this book some 30 years ago while in the midst of changing the retail culture of a $4 Billion company, from one of adversarial selling tactics to one of counselor selling effectiveness. It took some time, but the company did indeed change; the results were increased sales, fewer customer complaints, and a happier and more contented sales force.
Bottom line: no matter your line of work, Cohen's ideas will enhance you effectiveness, reduce stress, and increase your personal happiness, and you'll probably live longer, too.
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